


We Are Screaming Inside (But We Can't Be Heard)

by Juliczart



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Lexie Survives, Mark Doesn't, Plane Crash AU, This Is Lexie Coping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 11:54:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12958641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juliczart/pseuds/Juliczart
Summary: «It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word,We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard.» -I Will Remember You, by Sarah McLachlan---------------In which Lexie Grey survives the plane crash, but Mark doesn't





	We Are Screaming Inside (But We Can't Be Heard)

**Author's Note:**

> ¡Hola! :D  
> I'm back with another Grey's Anatomy fanfiction, this time, not a One-Shot.  
> Keep in mind that I'm still learning English, so there might be some (a lot) of grammatical and spelling mistakes.  
> Hope you enjoy it!

 

 

 _"I will remember you, will you remember me?_  
_Don't let your life pass you by,_  
_Weep not for the memories,_  
_Remember the good times that we had?"_

 

* * *

When Lexie woke up, she didn’t feel anything, or hear anything.

She just saw a light, bright, excruciatingly so, burning into her eyelids. Was she dying? No, she probably wasn’t, because from what she’d heard, the light you see when you die is welcoming. And this light was far from welcoming. It was annoying.

Then the sound came. It a ringing sound, like the ones in the movies after there was an explosion. Was there an explosion? What had happened? As hard as she tried, she couldn’t remember what had got her into her current predicament. What even _was_ her current predicament? She tried to open her eyes, but instead of that, her eyelids just fluttered.

Finally, the sensation came. Slowly, she started regaining feeling all over her body and it _hurt_. Lexie groaned. She tried open her eyes again, and this time she succeeded.

The light shone brighter for about ten seconds before dimming down, and the resident could actually see where she was when her vision became focused. Her half-opened eyes captured the panorama; a big, blue sky with the sun shining blindly up ahead, and trees of all sizes, with no leaves on them. How had she ended up in the middle of the woods?

Suddenly, it all came back to her. She had been going back from the bathroom to her seat, in the plane, when out of nowhere, there was a huge, exploding sound and the plane started experiencing turbulences. Before they knew eat, they were all plummeting towards the ground, and they weren’t given enough time to assimilate anything when the plane broke in half, and took Lexie with it. The last thing she remembered was falling fast to the ground, and miraculously managing to grab herself to a loose seat, and afterwards being crushed by something by the time she landed forcefully.

Lexie’s eyes were wide-open now. She had gone peeing, and the plane fell off the sky. _She was coming back from the bathroom and the plane crashed_. There was like one in a five million and a half chance of that ever happening. And there was an 85% chance of survival in case it crashed, which was good, but she shouldn’t have ever been in a plane crash to survive, in the first place. Where were the others? Where was Meredith? And Mark and Derek? Cristina and Arizona? Were they alive? Were they injured?

And why was the sun so _bright_?

Once she managed to calm herself enough to not have a nervous breakdown –she hated those- she assessed her injuries. The plane seat had taken most of the fall, but she still felt extremely sore on the back, so it was probably bruised. Waves of pain were radiating off her left arm, at the same rhythm her heart beat. She craned her neck to look at it and winced. It was too bruised and swollen for it to be healthy. It looked like a fracture, but she would inspect it better once she stood up. Breathing was also hard, and she attributed it to her likely broken ribs. Her head felt fuzzy and groggy. After wincing so much, she discovered that her face was numb and heavy. Her abdomen ached a lot, as well as her lower right leg, but she couldn’t see it because a big chunk of plane over her body blocked the view.

She let her head fall back to the floor, because she started feeling dizzy and evaluated her situation. She could probably push the metal holding her down by herself, but it would require lots of effort and pain- judging by her pulsing arm. Lexie sighed, and decided that she would try. It would be better to get the thing off and treat her injuries, so she had better chances at finding her friends and sister.

She wished the sun would stop shining –or existing- so she could concentrate better without the light hurting her eyes.

She took a deep breath and winced afterwards –broken ribs, right- before putting her good hand, and thankfully her dominant one, under one side of the chunk. She didn’t dare to use her left arm, because even shifting it brought waves of pain barreling to her brain. At the count of three, Lexie pushed as hard as she could, screaming as her arm accidentally moved and spotted her view, but she kept going.

She finally managed to take it off her, and she took a look to her surroundings once again. She was in the woods –that much she already knew-, in mid-winter, so she was freezing and only in her scrub clothes. To one side of her, the land went down, and she realized she was on a hill. Which was extremely inconvenient, by the way, because if she wanted to find the others, she would have to go down and she wasn’t in the best shape to be doing that. It was a beautiful place, though. It was one that her parents would have chosen to take Molly and her to the annual camping trip they did. She briefly wondered if they would have chosen it had her mother still been alive, Molly at this side of the world, and her dad not a recovering drunk, but she dismissed those thoughts as soon as they came. There was no use in pondering over what could have been, when what was happening right then was incredibly alarming.

Besides, the sun was too bright, so she wouldn’t have liked it.

Lexie realized that standing up might be practically impossible, so for now, she settled in sitting up. She did so, with lots of effort and a scream or two, and went on to take a look at her wounds.

She grabbed her arm, biting down a moan, and inspected it. She considered herself extremely resistant to the pain. After all, she had made stitches on herself on a daily basis a while back, and had once cut off her pinky finger and said nothing more than ‘ _Ouch_ ’, but her arm was _killing_ her. From the bruising, she deduced that she had broken both her radius and ulna, the latter one probably twice. It explained why it hurt so much. She would have to somehow reset it and wrap it up. She would do it later, maybe search the wreckage of the plane for some clothes. Lexie lifted her shirt to look at her stomach and she discovered she had a huge laceration, going from her side to just above the belly button. It didn’t look deep, but it ached a lot and there was dried and fresh blood, and bruises around it. She finally looked at her legs, and winced when she saw a tree branch emended in her calf. She bent over and pulled it out, and was pleased to see that it bled steadily, which meant it hadn’t nicked an artery. She would have to wrap it up, though, to avoid infection. Same as her abdomen.

She would have to find lots of clothes.

Lexie looked around and spotted the rest of the back of the plane, and decided to go there first, to see if she could find something to help her and the others, in case they were hurt.

But first, she had to stand up.

Easier said than done.

She pushed herself off the ground with her good hand and managed to flex one leg to her chest and fold the other one. All the while she kept groaning and cursing obscenities she wouldn't have dreamed of ever mentioning to Zola. Okay. Phase one done. Now the actual standing. She bent over until she was holding herself up in her fours -well, three, because of her broken arm, which by the way, was screaming murder- and started to slowly lift her arm off the floor and pushe her knees up. At one point her left hand bumped into her knee and she screamed out loud, but she managed to get herself steady on her two feet.

She limped as carefully as she could to the wreckage, holding her arm to her chest. Once there, she began to rummage in the rests of the plane, careful not to step on something and slip. She tried not to think about what might have happened if she had been standing somewhere else while the plane went down, while looking at the shredded mess of metal and glass before her. It was impossible not to, though. She could have ended up as broken as the plane itself, with no chance of survival.

Lexie suddenly felt dizzy. She stumbled backwards and her feet caught with a piece of metal, which sent her tumbling backwards. She groaned and threw her head backward in hopes of letting the dizziness die. Once it did, she opened her eyes, once again being welcomed by the blinding sun. After her eyes adjusted to the light, she noticed something to her right.

Was that a first aid kit? It was a first aid kit!

She grinned, for the first time in what felt as years, without realizing that her face only showed half a smile, and quickly grabbed it and opened it.

Unfortunately, there were no pain meds, but there were some rolls of bandages she could use to wrap up her arm, leg and abdomen.

Lexie grabbed her arm and closed her eyes. This would be excruciatingly painful. She sighed. Better do it now than never.

She screamed as she reset the bone, and tears started watering her eyes, but she didn't let the pain come in between her and her work. Once she finished setting it up, she wrapped it as tightly as she could without passing out.

After her arm was done, she wrapped up her calf and then her abdomen, smiling at her handy work. She put away what was left of the roll of bandages, and closed the first aid kit.

She stood up again, this time propping herself up with a piece of plane, and looked up for something to warm herself with. Hopefully, the huge jacket the hospital had given them all.

She found a green hoodie, though. She was grateful she found something at all, of course, but she had really hoped it was the huge jacket. She put on a sleeve and let the rest cover her body, so she could cradle her arm to her chest.

Once she was done exploring the wreckage, she looked down the hill to see if she could find the rest of the plane.

She walked away while scrutinizing the view and carrying the first aid kit with her good arm. That was one advantage she had. She was in a tall enough point to look at the woods better. Had she been in the ground, she would probably be screwed.

She was about to give up after two hours of walking, when she saw a plane seat resting against a tree, further down the hill. Narrowing her eyes, she noticed what seemed to be a trail of destruction leading into the trees. It might be nothing, but it was the first lead she came upon.

The sun was shining bright as usual in the horizon, and taking one last annoyed look at it, she started to go down the hill.

It was a slow process, getting down to the seat, and even slower to follow the trail of crushed metal, glass shards, and destroyed leather seats. But she was at least doing something.

When she finally reached a somewhat flat surface she was so excited she could have kissed the floor. She didn't though, because it would be difficult to stand up. It had been almost four hours, Lexie calculated, since she had woken up. The sun was in the midst of going down, so she would have to go faster.

She kept walking, following the trail as much as she could, but she was getting tired and it was becoming difficult to even raise her feet. But she wouldn't give up. She would sooner pass out.

In retrospect, she shouldn't have thought that, because not one second later, another wave of dizziness came over her. She stumbled, and was about to fall, but managed to catch herself using a tree. But, seeing as her good luck had ran out when she had found the kit, she managed to hit her left arm against the hard wood.

She bit down a scream, and instead she yelped. She waited until the dizziness passed away, before steading herself.

' _Can we not do that, buddy?_ ', she asked her brain.

Her brain didn't reply, as expected.

Instead, she heard someone talking. _She heard voices_.

She couldn’t distinguish what they were talking about, or from who the voices were from, but she couldn’t be happier.

It meant that someone was alive, or that someone would find her.

She looked around wildly, searching the source of the voice.

She saw a fallen tree, and a huge piece of metal leading to a clearing. How had she missed that? Right –dizziness.

Lexie went over, as fast as her feet could manage, and stood by the fallen tree.

“Hello?” she yelled.

She wanted to be sure that the voices were real, and not just a creation of her brain caused by hunger, pain and exhaustion.

When no one replied, she screamed louder.

“Is anyone there?”

Lexie frowned. She didn’t like how her voice sounded. It sounded off, almost… slurred. But she didn’t care when she heard the reply.

“Over here!” someone replied.

Arizona. It was definitely Arizona.

She squealed in excitement and followed the voice. She went as fast as she could, with her limbs starting to fail her, and her limping leg and broken arm. But surely, when the clearing opened, she saw the wreckage of the rest of the plane. Robbins was sitting against part of the plain, and she was talking indistinctively to someone Lexie couldn’t see.

As she neared, Robbins finally seemed to realize who she was.

“Grey!” she exclaimed, grinning up to her.

Lexie smiled back and took her final steps, before sitting down next to the peds surgeon.

“Hey,” she said drowsily.

She noticed that Robbins had a bleeding leg, and upon closer inspection, she realized that her femur was showing.

“That must hurt,” Lexie winced.

The attending nodded with a look of resignation in her face, and turned back to her.

“Are you hurt?” asked Arizona, checking her over, until her eyes fell on her broken arm.

“A broken arm, a few broken ribs, a laceration in the abdomen and a branch stabbed me in the calf, but it’s all taken care of,” Lexie listed, still kind of freaked out by her voice. She grabbed the kit and shoved it in front of her. “And I found this,” she added.

“Is it a first aid kit?” a wide-eyed Robbins asked, sounding awe-struck.

“It is,” Lexie replied happily.

She looked ahead of her. The sun was still hiding in the horizon, but as hidden as it may be, it was still unbelievably shiny. She squinted her eyes at it, wishing it could stop so her eyes wouldn’t sting anymore.

Suddenly, she had a thought.

“Dr. Robbins, where’s everyone else? Have you seen anyone at all?” she inquired, looking around as if one of them might appear out of nowhere.

“Yeah,” Arizona replied, “they are actually looking for Derek –and you. And Jerry –the pilot- is also okay.”

“So, the only one missing is Derek,” Lexie’s speech sounded incoherent, “Everyone else is… is a-alive.”

Lexie gulped. There was something definitely wrong with her. Her talking was all off, and she started to feel woozy and slightly nauseous.

“Grey, are you okay?” Arizona frowned, “You don’t sound okay. What’s going on?”

Before she knew it, Lexie’s eyes rolled back into her head and she fell to the ground . The last thing she heard was Arizona calling her name, and everything went dark.

When she opened her eyes, she was irritated to find out that the sun –the stupid, bright, sun- was still there, and was still bothering her. In fact, it didn’t look like it had moved a lot, so she was probably out for a few minutes.

“W-what happened?” she managed to get out, looking up to Arizona.

The peds surgeon just stared back, frowning worriedly.

“You just had a seizure, and then you passed out for a few minutes.”

Lexie’s eyes widened, and she squinted when too much light made it into them.

“A… a seizure?” she stammered.

Robbins nodded grimly.

Lexie sighed. Why could she had had a seizure? The answer was simple, and it had been right before her for a long time.

“I…I’m an idiot,” she snickered, surprising herself and Arizona too. “All the signs… It- it was right there… I want to specialize in neurosur- neurosurgery and I… I can’t even say when I have a… b-brain bleed.” Lexie shook her head, and the snickers died down.  “Dizziness, s-sensibility to l… ight, heavy limbs, my… my face feels…numb in one side, difficulty in- in speech, and n-now… now a s-seizure… I should… I sh-should’ve known.”

Arizona looked sympathetic.

“It’s okay. We’re all feeling pretty dumb right now. We weren’t trained for _this_ ,” she sighed. “I never thought… I mean I’ve always feared flying but I never…”

Lexie nodded understandingly. She still had problems wrapping her head around the whole thing too, even after all she had done. It seemed impossible that they had been in a plane crash, and were stuck in some woods. It all felt unreal, like from some sort of nightmare.

“I… I d-don’t have much l-left,” Lexie realized, “If I h-have a brain… bleed. I don’t h-have much t-t-time.”

At least when she died, she wouldn’t have to see the stupid sun.

“Two days at the most,” Arizona agreed, quietly.

Lexie tried to sit up, and Dr. Robbins exclaimed in surprise.

“Woah, woah, woah, what are you doing?”

Lexie stared blankly into her eyes.

“I’m… sitting u-up,” she replied matter-of-factly.

“You just…” Dr. Robbins crouched down as much as she could to be eye-level with her. “You just had a seizure,” she muttered angrily, as if they were sharing some kind of secret.

“Yeah, a-about t- _that…_ Y-ou can’t… tell any-anyone.” Lexie reasoned.

“What?!” Arizona yelled. “Grey, that’s insane!”

“I… I c-can’t have ev-everyone trying to h-help… me, and n-not focus…ing… en-enough in get-get-ting us out… of here.”

Arizona sighed and shook her head slightly. The sun was above her now, and looking at her was hurting Lexie.

“Since we are doing that,” Dr. Robbins said, “I might as well tell you that I’ve been coughing up blood, but you can’t tell anyone either.

Lexie’s eyes widened and after a while she nodded her head slowly.

“O-okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

They stayed silent for a while before Lexie spoke again.

“We a-are sharing life-threat… ening s-secrets,” she said. “Y-you can call… me L-Lexie.”

“Only if you call me Arizona,” Robbins agreed.

It was becoming darker by each passing minute, which meant it was becoming colder. Lexie was freezing, and her body wasn’t trembling because of her traitorous brain, so the only protection she had was the hoodie. And it wasn’t much.

“I’m- I’m gonna l-look for… something t-to cover m-myself,” Lexie announced, as she tried to stand up.

“Hey… Hey! You can’t stand up, you had a seizure!” Arizona chided.

Lexie stood up.

“And y-you’re b-bleeding ins-side.”

“And I’m not standing up,” Arizona said, “because I have an open femur fracture –than you for the first aid kit, by the way, there are no bugs in there anymore.”

“I’ll l-look if th-there’s some-thing for… for you t-too.” Lexie walked away, ignoring Arizona’s reproaches.

She went over to the wreckage and before she could even start looking someone called her name.

“Lexie!” none other than Meredith Grey screamed, practically running to her.

“M-Meredith!” Lexie exclaimed back, and winced at her speech. If she kept talking like that, they would all find out she was practically a walking corpse.

Meredith reached her and hugged her tightly, causing pain in her ribs. Otherwise, it would have been the greatest moment of her life –Meredith Grey _hugging her_? It seemed that the impossible was happening that week. Plane crashes, shows of affection.

Lexie gave a start and Meredith stopped hugging her and held her by the shoulders while inspecting her.

“What happened? Are you hurt? You are freezing!”

Lexie gave her a half-smile –since half her face was non-functional- and calmed her down.

“It’s okay, just some broken ribs.” She was proud of herself for not stuttering, even if the words came out a little slurred. “What a-about you? And Mark, Derek and… Cristina?” Okay, she stuttered a little bit but it was better.

“I’m fine, just a concussion and a piece of plane that impaled me in the thigh, Cristina has a dislocated arm which Mark put back into place, Derek has a really broken hand and- Lexie what happened to your arm?” Meredith interrupted herself, staring at Lexie’s wrapped up injury.

“Oh… I-I broke it… In th-three places,” she winced, because of the arm and her speech, “I also… I also h-have a laceration in- in the abdomen and- and a branch im...paled me in the c-calf,” she resumed. “Other than t-that, there’s… nothing e…lse.”

_Please don’t notice I’m stuttering. Please don’t notice. Please don’t notice._

“Lexie, you’re st-“

“Hey! Can we get a little help over here?” Cristina yelled, appearing into the clearing.

She and Derek were pulling up a blanket with something heavy on it. Lexie had a bad feeling she knew what –or rather who it was.

“Wait a second and I’ll go!” Meredith yelled back.

She saw Lexie’s inquiring look and sighed.

“It’s Mark. He had a cardiac tamponade and we had to drain the pericardium before it bust,” she explained quickly, and went to help her husband and her person.

Lexie watched dumbfounded as they dragged Mark to the rests of the plane. She would throw herself over him, but she was scared to see what condition he was in, and she also didn’t want to see her like this.

After what felt like hours, which had only been a minute or so, Derek was standing beside her.

“Hey,” he said, startling Lexie.

“H-hi,” she said, forcing a smile. “Can you… help me loo-look for something to co…ver my-myself with?”

Derek agreed, frowning slightly at her.

After looking for a while, they found another hoodie, a woolen sweater and two scarves. They had also found a blanket, which she would be sharing with someone else.

“Y-You broke…your h-hand,” Lexie told him, once they had finished gathering what they needed.

“Yeah,” he said. “It was trapped in a piece of plane, and I couldn’t get up because of it, so I broke it with a rock.”

“O-ouch,” she winced, looking at his wrapped hand.

Derek stared at her with a concerned look.

“What?” she asked.

“You’re not shaking. It’s freezing out here, and you only have a hoodie, so you should be shaking. But you’re not,” he pointed out.

Lexie stopped on her tracks.

“And your walking’s all messed up,” he continued. “And you have speech difficulty, and half of your face is paralyzed, and you _should_ be shaking.”

Lexie knew there was no turning back now. She knew that Derek had found out, and there was no way she could lie to him.

“A-and I… I had a s-seizure ear…lier,” she gulped.

“And you had a seizure earlier,” he repeated. “You know what this means, right?”

She nodded.

“D-Don’t tell… anyone, p-ple-please,” she pleaded.

Derek nodded, understanding.

“If it gets worse, I may have to, though.”

“I-It _is_ already w-worse,” Lexie retorted. “I-if I don’t g-get… treatment in a few hours, I… I don’t k-know… I-it’s not… good.”

Derek just stared at her sadly.

“It’s better if they don’t worry,” he said reluctantly.

“I-it’s better… if they do-don’t wo…rry,” she agreed.

They went back to where everyone was, and she was happy to find out that Cristina had made a sling for her too.

She put it on, as well as the hoodie, the sweater and the scarves, before going to lay down next to and incredibly pale Mark and throwing the blanket over them.

“Hey,” he groaned.

“Hey,” she smiled back. “H-how are you… doing?”

“I want to marry you,” he replied, ignoring completely her question.

“W-what?” she spluttered, and blushed furiously. So apparently, her brain had enough power to let her blush, but not enough to get her to shake. Great.

“I want to marry you,” he reiterated. “I want to marry you, and have kids, and live a life with you in it. I… I love you, Lex.”

“Mark… I d-don’t know w-what… to say.” Lexie’s head was spinning now. Had Mark Thank-You-For-Your-Candor Sloan, just asked her to marry him?

“Say yes,” he replied. “Marry me. We’ll have the best life together Lexie, you and me. We’ll be so happy. Because we’re supposed to end up together. We’re meant to be,” he insisted, smiling weakly at her.

Okay, so, Lexie’s head was definitely spinning now. Maybe because of Mark’s words, but she seriously doubted it, given her rotten luck. Give it to her to feel like passing out while she was being proposed to.

“Meant… to be,” she whispered smiling, before her eyes went white and she succumbed to darkness.

The next time she woke up there was, luckily, no sun. The annoying star was finally resting.

What she saw first were the worried and panicked looks from- well, everyone except Jerry, who was still on his seat.

“H-Hey,” she moaned.

“Lexie!” her sister exclaimed with relief. “You scared us there.”

“I-I’m f-fi…ne,” she realized how stupid she sounded.

“No, you’re not, Three,” Cristina scolded, “You just had a _seizure_. Now, I may not have been the best teacher, but I’m pretty sure you know that seizures aren’t good.”

Lexie made a noise of agreement before closing her eyes, planning to sleep. All these seizures and brain bleeds were really taking its toll on her, and she wanted nothing more than to nod off.

“Lexie,” Derek called. “Lexie!”

Sh opened her eyes.

“It’s better if you don’t sleep. At all,” Derek informed.

Lexie groaned but nodded, before looking at Mark, who was still lying beside her.

“H-hello… ag-ag-g-ain.”

“I’m getting mixed signals here,” he said, smirking. “First you say we are meant to be and then you have a seizure? Is that a yes or a no?”

Lexie giggled, despite of herself –and her broken ribs. She was worried, though, about how weak Mark sounded.

“I-It’s a y-ye…s,” she replied adoringly.

She bent over to kiss him and he also did, and soon they found themselves snuggling and saying, ‘ _I love you_ ’ over, and over again, like if they stopped saying it, none of this would be real.

It was all good, until Lexie’s useless brain came up with a negative side to all this.

“W-What abo-ab-about J…Ju-Julia?” she asked, looking up into Mark’s eyes.

“I actually broke up with her,” he said, smiling at Lexie’s surprised look. “I was planning on proposing tomorrow when we got back and you finished your year, but things didn’t go as planned.” His eyes darkened a little.

“I-It’s st-still a…ma-mazing,” she smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “I’v-ve al…ways w-want-ted a… p-propo…sal i-in th-the op-op-open a…ir, a-at n…ight.”

Lexie could swear that Mark almost cackled at that, but she didn’t pay that much attentions. Her symptoms were becoming worse. Her speech was worse than ever and her whole body felt extremely heavy, as well as her head, which would start spinning around in any given moment. She wasn’t freezing anymore –well, not as much as before-, because they put another blanket over her and a beanie over her head. Derek probably told them she wasn’t shaking anymore. Still, she would probably get a really bad case of the flu if she ever got out of the woods. She might even get a slight hypothermia if the weather kept dropping, since she was the only one who didn’t have those big jackets. She really liked that jacket, what a shame she lost hers.

She groaned when a wave of dizziness overcame her, and her eyes started to lose focus, and everything around her seemed to move. Her vision started spotting, and turning blurred at the edges. Her head was pulsing painfully, and she felt her whole body seemed unresponsive. It was as if she was trapped in a sleep paralysis –she hated those.

Then, she felt a hand in her shoulder and she decided to focus in it. Slowly, but surely, she started feeling her aching body again, and her vision became less blurred and unfocused, enough to make out a figure sitting next to her. Long, black hair and a pale face practically covered in a big scarf.

“Don’t give up on us, Three,” Cristina Yang whispered.

“I-It a-alm-most so…s-soun-ds l-like y…ou ca-c-care,” Lexie mocked.

“Well, I don’t,” Cristina huffed, though her eyes, clear in Lexie’s vision now, said otherwise.

Lexie smiled weakly, before looking around. Meredith and Derek were cuddled up together next to small fire, and there was an empty spot next to her sister, where she assumed Cristina had been. Mark and Arizona were chatting quietly, probably about Callie and Sofia, or something along those lines. It was then that she realized what she would be losing if she passed away. Meredith, and her weird demonstrations of love and those extremely rare but always welcome emotional moments, who she loved so much, unconditionally. Derek, the one who had become his mentor along the away, who had provided comfort when her own sister couldn’t. Cristina, who had somehow become someone for her to look up to, and would sometimes provide her with cold and direct advice. Arizona, who she didn’t know that much, but had still taught her some valuable lessons which had made her a better surgeon. And Mark, oh Mark, who she was so absurdly in love with, who was now her fiancée, and she would marry once she got out of these hellish woods. And her dad, Molly, Alex, Jackson, April, Callie and everyone back in Seattle who had wormed their way into her circle and was now a surrogate family.

Lexie didn’t want to lose them. She didn’t want to miss them. She didn’t want to miss Zola, Sofia and Laura growing up, or her dad finally settling down, or Jackson moving on, or April passing her boards, Alex finding love, maybe another niece or nephew. She didn’t want to lose, she didn’t want to _miss_.

She was afraid that her desires wouldn’t be granted, though. She didn’t know how much more she could last. She was exhausted, sleep deprived, hungry, thirsty, freezing, in lots of pain, and at the brink of dead. It all certainly didn’t add up to a positive setting. She felt the need to cry, to throw something, to yell. She was not finished. This wasn’t the way she was supposed to go.

She still felt woozy when Jerry the pilot suddenly screamed.

“Ch-chopper!” he yelled to everyone that could hear.

After that, she could only pick up so much. Everyone who could stand went running everywhere, jumping up and down, spitting orders like madmen, until someone shot something and she flinched, the days of the shooting still fresh in her mind. A bright light exploded above her and she moaned loudly in pain, her eyes burning; probably a Bengal, judging by the noise. She closed her eyes tightly but the light was still there, and her head was pounding. She gave another plaintive moan, and someone held her hand beside her. She turned her head and opened her eyes just enough to see her fiancée sporting a small smile in his face, his eyes also half-closed.

“We’re getting out of here,” he breathed, the smile becoming a little bigger.

“W-We’re ge…ge-getting o-out of… he-here,” Lexie croaked back.

Another light came from above, like giant torches, and a huge, blaring sound erupted in her eardrums. Despite herself, she felt some tears rolling off her sore eyes, which were tightly shut once again. Mark held her hand stronger. She felt groggy, and dizzy, and unsteady, and like if the world was toppling over. She choked back a sob and her head started pounding fiercer and more agonizingly each time. Her body was unresponsive again, and darkness was calling her. The sound only became louder and more aggravating, the light stronger and burning. She could have sworn that someone was yelling her name, but she couldn’t be completely sure, with all the mess revolting around her. Everything was painful. Breathing was hard. Staying awake was the ultimate challenge. And this, for once, may be a challenge she might not overcome.

In the midst of confusion, she heard someone yelling desperately.

“I love you!” he said.

_Mark._

_It was Mark._

“I… I l-v…love… y-you,” she rasped, hoping he’d heard. Because, who knows? Those could be her last words, and someone should be there to hear them.

She felt someone lifting her up, and remembered the excruciating pain she felt, and her agonizing screech.

It was the last thing she remembered, before being once again, being pulled by darkness, not knowing if she would wake up this time around.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it?  
> I surely hope you did!  
> I have a lot of time in my hands right now, and this idea really excites me, so I will continue writing it as soon as I can.  
> Feel free to point out any of the mistakes you find, since there probably are some.  
> I should also probably say that I do not own Grey's Anatomy, ABC and Shonda Rhimes do.  
> Hope you liked it, I spent many time working on this!  
> Bye! :D


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